Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not

Have you been outside at night time? At this miraculous time of the day when you are not sure about anything, when you are afraid of all these shadows, when you hear all these whispers and noises, when every time you want to make a step, you need to look behind.

I’ve been there tonight. I walked out of the safe coziness of the warm house into the unknown world of Night, with its own rules and rights, dos and don’ts. I exchanges pure vision for fresh air, safety for freedom, happiness for fear. Did I know it in the beginning? Not at all! I was sure that the Night could give all that I wanted, all that I needed – freedom, from those watching me, fresh air instead of the one I was used to for most of my life, challenges I wanted to experience to be “mature enough”, desires I was afraid of before… I could make it all possible just by one simple step… And I made it…

Have you ever felt like you’re lost? Like you know where you need to be, but couldn’t find a way to get there? Like you are locked in a dark room and can’t find a door. Like you are a kitten who slipped out when the doors were open and now is mewing to have your loving and caring master come and take you inside. Was he the one taking you out there? No, it was your own idea, your own decision, your own way to discover a hideous part of the world not yet known to you.

I was there…And you know what? The fresh air isn’t that clean all the time – you get annoyed with it, it can be too cold, too hot, or too dry, it can stink, and then you understand that you miss the smell of your house – your mom’s hair, your usual breakfast, and even the shower gel your sister uses. And the darkness that could hide me from those who were watching me (in fact, those caring about me) was the one that brought instability to my world. Now I had to think twice before making each step to make sure it was safe enough, and had to watch out for all the creatures living in these conditions. I had to make sure that the shadows were just shadows, and nothing else, but still they kept me in constant fear. And those sounds… you all tremble, want to shut your ears and hide somewhere before they (or the ones making them) can get to you, get you into their clutches and tear you to pieces.

I thought I could do whatever I want when no one sees me…Well, I found out that I really do, but than I had to face another question: “Why? What for?” Yes, I can put into life all my secret desires, but who will I share the joy of it with? Who will stand there to cheer me up? To congratulate me on this achievement? To shake my hand or to lend me one when I’, hanging on the edge? Will it really prove my independence, maturity or will it just show my selfishness and loneliness?

I was standing there, shaking in a dark cold wishing I’ve never done it. I was trying to come back, but is it possible when you have nothing to look up to? When there’s nothing to show you a way back home?

So here I am – lost, frustrated, confused, cold child who’s not going ever to forgive himself this mistake! Will I ever get home? How? Suddenly, when I look up in the sky I can see tiny moonlight getting through the clouds. It’s shining right on the path that leads me to.. Oh, is it really possible? It takes me home! It turned out I wasn’t really far from it, just struggling to see it because of the tricky Night who didn’t want to loose me. I ran right to the house, and at that very moment the light was turned on and my Father ran to me with stretched arms. He embraced me and said it was the happiest moment in His life – the moment when I returned.

After this I’m not afraid of Night, but I’m not going to go there either. Sometimes I slip into it, but now I know the way back home. I know that I can be happy here, inside. I’ve realized that I really do like this air with its smells, and I don’t need to grow up, but can always count on someone wiser and stronger than myself.

And if you ever find yourself on the dark night street not knowing where to go, please follow my advice: look up for the light that would show you a path to Someone loving with stretched arms willing to save you from the Night.

She walked from the lights of the train into nowhere. The Darkness covered her and she felt so comfortable being able to be lost in it. Darkness is her refuge. She doesn’t want to exist, doesn’t want to see the daylight, but to have calamity and peace which only Darkness can bring her.

She id so tired of life, tired to live in a hurry, tired to make impressions and to live like somebody else. She wants to be herself. She wants to laugh when it is funny, to cry when she’s sad, to say what she really thinks, and not to care what other people think about her. She wants to be free. And she will be free in the Darkness. The Darkness will take her under its cover, it will hide her from the eyes of the others, and it will give her comfort and rest. Now she doesn’t need to smile to the people whom she doesn’t like but who expect her to smile. She doesn’t need to follow all the rules. She can be weak, and the darkness will support her. She can dance in the darkness and the Darkness will applaud. She can sing in the darkness, and the Darkness will love the tune and will sing along. She can write poems and even though they don’t always rhyme, the Darkness will adore her lyrics. She can talk to herself, and the Darkness will remain silent keeping all of her secrets somewhere deep inside. She can cry and the Darkness, soggy of her tears, will pet her on her back. She feels like at home here.

Suddenly the flash of light scares her and the little girl who was so happy in the Darkness hides again deep in the shell. She doesn’t want to come out. She doesn’t want anybody to see her or even to know that that little girl does exist. Now she’ll get back in the train and will return to the city lights, to her so-called home, to the place where she must live. She will become strong because she must, because everyone expects her to be like that. She will be hard-hearted because no one but Darkness can see her tears. She won’t smile to the stranger s, won’t talk to the people unless she’s forced to, won’t be herself because they don’t want her to. She’s not needed in this world, only her image, a blurry picture of a successful business-woman, is what this world needs and all it thinks to be real.

She will suffer the day to the end. She will give them all they expect from her: independence, responsibility, politeness, confidence. She will wait for the evening. She will wait for her train to come and to bring her to her real home, to her mother Darkness where she can find peace.

And this is the way she lives her life, hiding from the eyes of people who come and go. Does she like it? Who knows, at least at night she’s happy. Does she feel lonely? Maybe, but not for a long. Maybe tomorrow she’ll meet Someone whom she will trust. Maybe she’ll take this Someone to the Darkness to show her real world. And they will live like that, until one day she would realize that she doesn’t need this train any more, because the Someone can sing with her, can dance with her, can listen to the pain of her heart, and can comfort her when she’s crying. He filled in the Darkness inside of her and let the little girl come out of the shell. She’s not afraid anymore because she knows that there’s Someone who’s always for her in this world.